Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 Poll:

Upcoming Nicolas Cage Movies:

• Con Air 2
• Ghost Rider 3
• National Treasure 3
• The Croods 2
• The Croods 3
• Drive Angry 2
• Season of the Witch 2
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
• Matchstick Men 2
• Gone in Sixty Seconds 2
• Face/Off 2
• Raising Arizona 2
• Mandy 2

When is the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse sequel Release Date?

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 is rumored to be released Christmas, 2021.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Cast and Characters:

• Jake Johnson as Spider-Man/Peter Parker
• Shameik Moore as
• John Mulaney as Spider-Ham
• Mahershala Ali as Aaron Davis (Miles’ uncle)
• Hailee Steinfeld as Gwen Stacy
• Nic Cage as Spider-Man Noir
• Liv Shreiber as The Kingpin/Wilson Fisk

What will Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 be about?

The sequel to Christmas 2018’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse will continue to follow the elseworld Spider guys and gals who fight crime. There are literally infinite worlds they can draw upon, including those like in the first that have talking animals like Spider-Ham (knockout casting with John Mulaney) but there are tons of storylines that can be mined, including variations of so many classic Spider-Man stories, only told through new eyes and with younger versions of characters that are a little more relatable than the epic hero the classic version of the hero has turned into over the years.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 Trailer:

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 photos:

The post Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2 | A 2021 Release? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Wherever Hipsters Sleep

@HalfGuarded

Beck sleeps with Geovanni Ribisi’s doppleganger before heading off to conquer an invisible spirit demon living in a mountain.  Then he sings about deadly women.

I had the song Girl by Beck stuck in my head and it was bothering me a great deal.  I was be-bopping along singing, “My brown eyed girl,” oblivious to how wrong I was.  But before that, first the other weird stuff.

I can’t imagine most are surprised if Beck is a bit quirky (he feels very Canadian to me, though he’s a California kid) but a Scientologist?  Wowsa.  And his married to and has children with Ribisi’s twin sister.  Weirdo.  And all the other weird stuff he does too, don’t forget.

OK.  The lyrics.  I thought it was “brown eyed girl” but then read it was “sun eyed girl” and went on with life.  I grabbed some lyrics from some site, pasted them here, and was about to move on when I read, “my cyanide girl.”  What?  My mind had been found to have C-4 inside it – after it blew up!  I read some more and some more and this is what I’ve learned: it is intentionally vague.  One source (source, lol) said it was originally sun-eyed girl but that he sings cyanide girl in concert, whilst another source said he even scrubbed the actual lyric from the official credits to the song.

Weirdo dude; good song.  ‘ta.

Girl by Beck – MUSIC VIDEO

Girl by Beck – LYRICS

I saw her, yeah I saw her with her black tongue tied
Round the roses
Fist pounding on a vending machine
Toy diamond ring stuck on her finger
With a noose she can hang from the sun
And put it out with her dark sunglasses
Walking crooked down the beach
She spits on the sand where their bones are bleaching

 

[Pre-Chorus]
And I know I’m gonna steal her eye
She doesn’t even know what’s wrong
And I know I’m gonna make her die
Take her where her soul belongs
And I know I’m gonna steal her eye
Nothing that I wouldn’t try

 

[Chorus]
Hey, my cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
My cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl

 

[Verse 2]
I saw her, yeah I saw her with her hands tied back
And her rags were burning
Crawling out from a landfilled life
Scrawling her name upon the ceiling
Throw a coin in a fountain of dust
White noise, her ears are ringing
Got a ticket for a midnight hanging
Throw a bullet from a freight train leaving

 

[Pre-Chorus]
And I know I’m gonna steal her eye
She doesn’t even know what’s wrong
And I know I’m gonna make her die
Take her where her soul belongs
And I know I’m gonna steal her eye
Nothing that I would not try

 

[Chorus]
Hey, my cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
My cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl

 

[Chorus]
Hey, my cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
My cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl
My cyanide girl
Hey, my cyanide girl

Buy Girl by Beck

The post Is Girl by Beck Uplifting or No? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

As soon as guests made their way out of the Sheraton Atlanta Hotel’s labyrinthine parking deck on Feb. 3, they weren’t greeted by the expected strings of elevator muzak. Rather, they were bombarded by the dulcimer tones of Metallica before running headlong into a mob of people (the males generally donning studded denim jackets with Cannibal Holocaust patches, the females usually clad in tattered jeans, fishnets and every hue of black lipstick imaginable) double-fisting 24 packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the lobby.

No, these were not the visitors attending the Southern Region National Black Law Students Association meeting. These were the merry, jolly sorts participating in this year’s Days of the Dead horror convention.

And these are unmistakably the most hardcore of the hardcore horror fanatics. Not content with merely cosplaying as their favorite celluloid psychopaths, those waiting in line at the ticket booth compared and contrasted Freddy Krueger tattoos while discussing the most minute intricacies of ultra-obscure genre films such as The Leopard Man.

The scent of patchouli and raspberry-tinged deodorizer spray wafted over the show floor, where merchants hawked all sorts of kooky knickknacks – running the gamut from blood spattered hockey masks and lawsuit baiting “mash-up” t-shirts depicting random pop cultural icons gussied up as moviedom’s most memorable murderers to stunningly realistic replicas of mutilated cats and infant onesies depicting the mugshots of real serial killers like Richard Ramirez and John Wayne Gacy.

While the old comic books, action figures and VHS cassettes for sale garnered their fare share of attention, the real draw of the event was its smattering of genre movie staples offering a photo op or their John Hancock for cold hard cash. While names like Bill Johnson, Sid Haig and Doug Bradley may not resonate with the hoi polli, the Days of the Dead attendees flocked to them like teenage girls making a mad scramble at Justin Bieber. Surreal doesn’t begin to describe the scene of green-haired men wearing shirts reading “fuck the world and fuck you, too” and elementary school-aged children in panda costumes rapt with attention as the co-writer of Night of the Living Dead showed off a framed paycheck from 1968 – all while self-described “dominatrix wrestlers” in chain mail bikinis feverishly gyrated one table over.

While there were plenty of attractions to keep attendees occupied – full movie screenings and punk rock concerts and costume contests and special effects demonstrations, among others – perhaps the most popular events of all were the numerous panel discussions in which horror all-stars gathered to reminisce on the good old days of cinematic guts and gore.

And that evening, Days of the Dead attendees weren’t getting just one beloved screen psychopath performing a grindhouse version of Inside the Actor’s Studio – they were getting three of them.

The Unholy Trinity of Jason Actors

Almost universally reviled by critics but nonetheless a perennial box office powerhouse (earning more than $460 billion worldwide across a spate of a dozen motion pictures), the long-running Friday the 13th series more or less represents the James Bond cash cow of Hollywood slasher series. The same way numerous actors over the years have portrayed Agent 007, about a dozen men – including credited actors and uncredited stunt doubles – have donned the iconic hockey mask (and sometimes, burlap sack) of franchise anchor and serial oversexed teenager slayer Jason Voorhees.

Three of the most memorable actors to ever put on the Jason regalia – part two’s Steve Dash, part six’s C.J. Graham and the only man to portray the character more than once, Kane Hodder – took the stage for a reunion and free-floating chit-chat on opening night at Days of the Dead 2017, each sharing personal recollections of their respective experiences beneath the ghoulish goalie mask.

That is, except for 73-year-old Dash (birth name, Steve Daskewisz), a former New York cop turned movie stuntman, whose tenure as Mr. Voorhees preceded the unveiling of the horrific hockey equipment in Friday the 13th Part 3.

“I got called one day for a job – there was this guy they hired to play Jason on Friday the 13th Part 2 and his name was Warrington Gillette,” Dash recounted. “He was going to go through a window … he said he was a stunt man, but when it turned out he had to go through the window, he was scared shit.”

The stunt coordinator asked Dash if he was up for portraying Jason instead. He drove all the way to Connecticut for what he believed was his big acting breakthrough.

“I said ‘holy shit, I got a lead role in the film,'” he reminisced.

Alas, the title role in the film that was initially dubbed Jason wasn’t exactly what Dash had anticipated. He recounted the words of stunt coordinator Cliff Cudney. “‘The whole deal is you wear this bag and you kill all these kids that are having sex and then, at the end of the film, then they kill you … and you have no lines.'”

Still, Dash soldiered through the shoot, in which cast and crew had to rough it through freezing filming conditions and sleep in unheated cabins. Such a miserable experience, Dash turned down an offer from Paramount to reprise the role in Friday the 13th Part 3.

If I would’ve known then what I know now, I would’ve taken the job because I would’ve made a lot of money like Robert Englund,” he said, referencing the man who made a mint portraying Freddy Krueger in eight A Nightmare on Elm Street films.

Fellow stuntman – and one time Culver City, Calif. Chippendales dancer – C.J. Graham was likewise brought in as a replacement Jason for Friday the 13th Part 6, which, incidentally, was filmed in nearby Covington, Ga, in the mid 1980s.

“The first dailies come back and unfortunately, he didn’t resonate with quite the physique they were looking for,” Graham said. “It is kind of a Cinderella story, you know, but I knew what I was getting into when they pulled me back to [Paramount producer] Frank Mancuso’s office.”

Kane Hodder, 62, is the only actor to portray Jason in more than one film. In fact, he played the character in four consecutive movies, beginning with 1988’s Friday the 13th Part 7. Hodder made quite the impression on the director of that film, John Carl Buechler, while working as a stunt coordinator on an earlier horror flick titled Prison. When asked to put live nightcrawlers on his body while portraying a zombie, Hodder one-upped directer Renny Harlin by stuffing a dozen real worms into his mouth.

Buechler was instrumental in getting Hodder the Jason role. He even paid out of his own pocket to bring Hodder in for a screen test.

“Because there were a lot of stunts to do in this particular movie, I think that’s what helped put me over the edge,” Hodder said. “I loved playing the character, and would’ve done it for free.”

[To finish this story, head over to James’s awesome site, Uncommon Journalism. Trust me, it’s well worth a read. – Your Favorite Editor.]

The post The Men Behind The Mask of JASON appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Saying pro wrestling is stupid is kinda’ like saying water is wet. Of course pro wrestling is stupid, and that’s what makes it so great. In a world chock full of pretense, phoniness and brass-balled lies, the wacky world of make-belief fisticuffs is the only industry I can think of that that actually relishes its own absurdity.

For years, I’ve referred to professional wrestling as “the theatre of the proletariat,” and that’s not just me being pretentious. Pretty much everything you get out of opera – the melodrama, the foppish costumes, the clumsy acting, the glitz, the glamour, the over-the-top entrances, the goofy violence – you likewise get from wrestling, only with the added bonus of sometimes receiving play-by-play from a barbecue sauce-hawking cowboy with cerebral palsy.

Pro wrestling, being the great unacknowledged satire of society it is, has trotted out more than a few “creepy” grapplers over the years – those being, gimmicks designed to inspire supernatural fear and dread in the hearts of spectators and fellow wrestlers alike (you know, just like Shakespeare sought to do with Macbeth, only with WAY more mullets in the crowd.)

While these attempts to spook the living daylights of the televised audiences haven’t always been successful, they are very rarely uninteresting, and with Halloween right around the corner, I figured it was worth our collective time to revisit some of the more memorable monsters, maniacs and maulers to step between the ropes over the years…

10. The Leprechaun!

In 1996, WCW was at a real crossroads. Having just begun its N.W.O. saga (an angle so hot it almost put WWF out of business), World Championship Wrestling was left with the remnants of many an abandoned storyline, including totally-out-of-place gimmick ‘rasslers with names like Glacier, Road Block and Disco Inferno. Enter The Leprechaun, a diminutive (but by no means a real midget) grappler who hung out with Kevin Sullivan’s creepy/stupid Dungeon of Doom stable alongside Haku and Earthquake pretending to be a shark. A rather spastic individual, The Leprechaun primarily spent his matches running around the ring and slobbering like a werewolf, with an in-ring technique that can only be described as “what the hell am I looking at?” Unsurprisingly, the character didn’t stick around for long, and after just a few matches, the Leprechaun was banished to the Island of Misfit Gimmicks (where he was no doubt welcomed with open arms by the likes of the Ding Dongs and Arachnaman.)

9. Chucky!

Now even though Mexico signed the North American Free Trade Agreement, something tells me our buddies south of the border still need a little help figuring out this whole “intellectual copyright” stuff. For example, even though I am pretty sure the character Chucky from the Child’s Play films is trademark-protected, those wacky and whimsical lucha libre organizations nonetheless felt it was A-OK to grab a random midget, sock a Hot Topics plastic mask over his head and literally market him as Chucky in professional wrestling contests. Now the idea of having a little luchador modeled after a psycho killer doll is in and of itself pretty amazing, but really, it’s the fact that the gimmick has been going strong – across several lucha libre promotions – for nearly two decades that makes my head want to explode. Oh, and the only thing weirder than the fact that Chucky is usually presented as a good guy, who does battle with full-sized professional wrestlers? The fact that he sometimes has breakdancing battles with miniature yetis to old Michael Jackson songs.

08. Prince Kharis!

Ya’ll are familiar with Jim Cornette, right? Well, back in the 1990s, he had his own Tennessee-based ‘rasslin promotion called – rather fittingly – Smoky Mountain Wrestling. Unless you lived in parts of the country where civil rights didn’t come along until 1980 at the earliest, you probably never caught much of the promotion on TV. Thankfully, as a denizen of Appalachia, I was fortunate enough to be in SMW’s broadcast range, and in case you were wondering what sort of good old fashioned, southern-style wrestling awesomeness you were missing? Well, among other things you never had the privilege of witnessing, your poor bastards never got to see James Mitchell managing a nearly seven foot tall dude wearing a suit made out of toilet paper who claimed to be a 3,500 year-old mummy. You really should’ve seen the promos for this guy – during one vignette, his manager “cut off” one of the wrestler’s fingers, and table salt – I mean, ancient sands – poured all over the mat. Which, naturally, begs the question – how exactly did an Egyptian zombie learn how to do a crossface chickenwing submission hold, anyway?

07. Evil Dead!

The fact that the Insane Clown Posse, a musical act routinely cited as the worst in the history of recorded sound by a litany of publications, have their own wrestling promotion is wacky enough, but just wait until you get an up-close look at one of their top draws – Evil Dead. His gimmick? Well, basically, he’s a hobo resurrected from the dead who, for whatever reason, spends his zombified evenings wrestling – in front of literally dozens of people, some of whom may have even paid money to be in the audience – very overweight and very over the hill grapplers who desperately and direly need the cash. By the way, this wasn’t some one-off curtain jerker, neither – indeed, the character was pushed as the promotion’s long-term champion.

6. Nightmare Freddie!

Hey, remember earlier when we were talking about how the Meskins weren’t too keen on intellectual property laws? Well, regional promotions in Knoxville, Tenn. circa 1988 seemingly had even less concern about trademark violations, as apparent by the existence of “Nightmare Freddie.” A star in the Continental Wrestling Federation, this lawsuit-baiting imitation of the iconic Elm Street antagonist was actually portrayed by Doug Gilbert, a long-time Southern circuit ‘rasslin staple who is probably most famous in Internet circles for that one time he went on live TV and said Jerry Lawler was a child rapist and insinuated the owner of Power Pro Wrestling smoked crack. Believe it or not, the “Freddie” gimmick actually had a pretty long shelf-life; indeed, so popular the character, Gilbert wound up taking the gimmick to Japan, where – among other spectacles – he once tag teamed with a dude dressed up like (who else?) Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th series.

5. Kamala!

In the wacky world of professional wrestling, there’s a very, very thin line between stupid and brilliant. Very few gimmicks have straddled that line as delicately as Kamala, a veteran grappler who, at one point or another, has wrestled for every promotion known to man. Oft-billed as “The Ugandan Giant,” Kamala’s gimmick – and depending on your perspective, this might just be a wee bit racist – is that he’s a headhunter from Africa who speaks only in gibberish, and oh yeah, he’s canonically a cannibal, too. In reality, the man behind the Lucky Charms body paint is a former Mississippi truck driver named James Harris – who, after losing both his legs to diabetes, now makes a living selling homemade furniture on the Internet.

4. Big Van Vader!

Arguably the greatest monster heel of the 1990s, Big Van Vader was a nearly 400-pound ball of astonishingly flexible lard that – in addition to dropping some of the most hellacious powerbombs you’ll ever see in your life – also had the remarkable ability to do nearly picture-perfect moonsaults at the drop of a hat. Canonically a really rich dungeon keeper who lived in a cave in the Rocky Mountains (seriously), I’m not really sure what Vader was supposed to be. I mean, he did saunter out to the ring wearing some sort of futuristic cyborg mask, but for the most part, he was never explicitly referenced as anything other than a really, really tough fat dude. One of the most feared competitors in the heyday of WCW, pro wrestling lore has unfortunately given his legacy the short end of the stick; instead of kids these days knowing him as the dude who routinely beat up Sting, Cactus Jack and Lex Luger without even having to cheat, he’s more often recognized these days as Frankie Stecchino’s dad on Boy Meets World.

3. Papa Shango!

During that uneasy transitional period from Hulk Hogan to Stone Cold Steve Austin, the then-WWF went through a lot of awkward phases. Instead of emphasizing the sheer athleticism of its performers or focusing the product on grittier, more realistic storylines, the promotion was inundated with all sorts of kooky and outlandish gimmick wrestlers, running the gamut from evil accountants to midget clowns to America-hating environmentalist to something called a “Bastion Booger.” As weird as the characters may have been, none were as out there as Papa Shango, a wrestler touted as a real life voodoo priest with the ability to do all sorts of creepy supernatural shit – as in, making his opponent’s boots magically catch on fire and causing black ooze to suddenly pour out of the sleeves of the announce team. Alas, the character was not long for this world; after about a year or two, Papa Shango was scrapped and Charles Wright, the man portraying the character, was repackaged as an MMA-trained gang member … only to be rechristened a few years later as a wrestling pimp.

2. La Parka!

In Mexico, the Grim Reaper isn’t just the harvester of souls – he’s also one of the most beloved luchadors of all-time. Making his debut in 1992, the Skeletor-lookalike proved an immediate smash hit with the fans, and in 1996 he joined the roster of World Championship Wrestling. Nicknamed the “Chairman of the Board” because of his penchant for playing metal furniture like air guitars, the iconic wrestler was booked as a goofy self-parody once WCW’s creative department switched hands in the late 1990s. La Parka has more or less spent the rest of his career south of the border, spending the better part of a decade feuding with yet another wrestler using the skeleton gimmick and going by the name “La Parka” – trust me, it’s even more confusing if I get into the details. The gist of it? La Parka is still around, he’s still wrestling, he’s really, really fat now and sometimes, he even punches the living crap out of fans, because he’s La Parka, that’s why.

1. The Undertaker!

And who else could possibly take the number one slot? Since 1990, The Undertaker has been applying his creepy trade before an entire generation of pro wrestling fans, transitioning from a (kayfabe) actual zombie managed by a televangelist to a fan favorite good guy ghoul whose only friend in the world was a pasty-faced fat dude who carried his parents’ ashes with him everywhere he went like some sort of good luck charm.

Naturally, The Undertaker would become some sort of weirdo monster wrestling bug zapper, attracting every sort of freak, lunatic and wacko the WWF could dream up, including notable rivalries with a 600 pound sumo wrestler with a death phobia, a seven foot tall Argentinian wearing a bear costume with airbrushed muscles on it and even a time-displaced viking who literally tried to stab him to death on live television with a humongous sword. Oh, and at one point, he even wrestled a mirror image of himself … the less said about that, the better.

While the Taker mythos has been retconned several times over the years (at various points, the character has also been relaunched as a motorcycle riding vigilante and a wannabe Ultimate Fighter), he always reverts back to his dark, brooding and mysterious form, just in time to do battle with the long lost brother he kinda’ immolated in a mortuary fire, fist fight a 300 pound escaped mental patient in the boileroom of an NHL arena and – of course – form a Satanic cult alongside 500 pound African-American goths with Sisqo haircuts and some naked dude name Mideon. As ridiculous and absurd as the character may be in theory, there’s no denying that the execution of the gimmick has been one of the most successful in the history of the pseudo-sport.

Indeed, The Undertaker has become something transcendent from pro wrestling altogether, becoming a sort of proletariat folk hero probably as revered by Walmart America as Richard Petty and Burt Reynolds. To the uninitiated, The Undertaker might just be one of the stupidest things to ever hit the squared circle. But as evident by the millions of people worldwide who worship him with the same vim, vigor and vitality as the cheeseheads adore Brett Favre, he’s also unquestionably one of the greatest.

The post The 10 Greatest Horror-Themed Wrestlers Of All-Time! appeared first on HalfGuarded.

The great thing about horror movies is that, by and large, they all secretly mirror what’s going on in society as a whole – in the process, bringing to light a lot of subconscious fears we have about modern existence. This was true, even in the silent film era – lest we forget pioneering works like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and Nosferatu, which in an incredibly eerie manner, almost seemed to foreshadow the rise of post-World War I fascism almost two decades before Hitler rose to power.

From Frankenstein (rapid advancements in technology) to Night of the Living Dead (post-Civil Rights era racial tensions) to Friday the 13th (the Moral Majority and Reaganite social conservatism), horror films have secretly reflected our major worries and concerns about the real world swirling around us. Indeed, perhaps no other genre does such a remarkable job summing up the neuroses of the times; to watch and grasp the deeper subtext of horror flicks from any decade is to comprehend the collective mentality of the era.

And it’s for that reason – amidst an array of other problems – that modern day horror movies suck.

While there have been some good, if not teetering on great, flicks like The Babadook and It Follows coming out in the 2010s, for the most part it has been a terrible decade for genre pictures. For every halfway decent movie like The Last Exorcism and The Visit, there have been – no joke – at least 50 or 60 downright atrocious ones. And when I say atrocious, I don’t just mean bad, I mean practically unwatchable garbage with titles like Bury the Ex and Cadaverella.

While modern horror offerings may not reflect the hidden fears of U.S. society, they most certainly reflect the industry’s deep-seated aversion to original ideas. What scant genre offerings that have made it to cineplexes in 2016 have been your standard jumble of predictable, paint-by-numbers supernatural hokum – The Darkness, Before I Wake, Lights Out – and half-hearted, unnecessary re-dos, rehashes and remakes like Blair Witch, Ouija 2, The Conjuring 2 and yes, a remake of the barely 13-year-old Cabin Fever (which, in and of itself, was already a rip-off of about half a dozen genre classics.) Toss in boring, effortless “horror comedies” like Yoga Hosers and Therapy for a Vampire and hyper-overrated, pretentious bullcrap like The Witch and you have what very well could be the worst year for mainstream cinematic horror since the advent of the Internet.

The options off the beaten path are only marginally better. Granted, flicks like The Green Inferno, Cooties and Clown have their merits as good old fashioned degenerate cinema, but they nonetheless lack the artistic viscerality of genre totem like Halloween, The Evil Dead, Re-Animator or The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Rather, these films seem so hung up on imitating the classics of eras gone by that they never make an honest effort to claim a unique identity or make any sort of profound sociocultural observations of their own.

Throughout the history of the horror film, only two types of genre movie have ever proven to be successful: those that throw caution to the wind and do everything they can to not only shock and offend audiences but make them physically ill – a time-honored motif that runs all the way from Salvador Dali’s Un Chien Andalou to The Human Centipede 2 – and those that make an honest attempt to capitalize on some sort of collective fear buried deep within our psyches, even if it is something as rudimentary as our basic fear of mortality. Meanwhile, the absolute best of the best – your Exorcists, your Dawn of the Deads, your Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killers – strive to do both.

With a few noteworthy exceptions, the horror flicks of the 2010s have been hesitant to ape either of the above-mentioned formulas for success. For one thing, after a decade of Saw and Hostel “gorenography” – not to mention a steady diet of weekly, extremely graphic (and extremely sexualized) violence on HBO programs like Game of Thrones – it’s virtually impossible to shock audiences with standard splatter movie blood and guts anymore. Secondly, with the dual rise of neo-political correctness and social media, it’s difficult to even promulgate the idea of a collective psyche existing anymore. How are you supposed to strike a nerve, exactly, when everybody’s collectively balkanized and individually “triggered” by even the slightest of trifles?

Today, we are a global society utterly terrified of expressing our true feelings. In our always-online, social media mega-sphere, we pretty much have to self-censor, as a form or cultural survival. After all of that worrying about Big Brother, at the end of the day, it was the general public that drove us into a state of chilled silence and nonstop paranoia. In short, it is the absolute perfect fodder for the next wave of horror movies – films in which the great terror is not losing your life, but losing your core identity, your ability to detach yourself from the herd mentality and to be your own person.

What’s the point of being afraid of zombies and werewolves when one errant tweet could cost you your job, your livelihood, your house and your children’s future? Furthermore, why should we care about witches and ghosts when we’ve got real world terrorists and mass shooters to worry about – who, for all we know, could be living next door to us right now? In the 1950s, horror films reflected the fear of atomic technology. Today, our great technological fear doesn’t stem from the prospects of irradiated mutant insects eating Cleveland, but from the dissociative effects of the Internet turning us into either a bunch of like-minded mush heads or severely alienated lunatics.

Granted, there have been some movies that have attempted to tackle the concept – VHS, Unfriended and to some extent, even the [REC] movies immediately spring – but by and large, these flicks are trapped by the whole “found footage” premise. They exist only as their gimmick, and thus, never really burrow into the marrow of the true societal terror they wish to comment upon.

Enter the future of the genre, folks – “the social horror movie.”

Granted, horror movies touching upon the fear of cultural impositions are nothing new (indeed, silent movies like The Golem and Haxan directly addressed then-contemporary social anxieties, such as anti-Semitic persecution and the utter and complete lack of effective mental health treatments.) But over the last decade, we’ve seen a notable uptick in horror films that contain profound sociopolitical commentary, to the point that the films themselves could more or less be considered allegories for our shared post-globalization fears.

With graphic, pioneering ‘70s films like Salo, Caligula, The Devils, In The Realm of the Senses and Cannibal Holocaust laying out the template, the “social horror” movie of the 21st century is explicitly, intentionally violent and sexual in nature – sometimes, incorporating real scenes of intercourse and splicing actual footage of death and dismemberment inside the “fictitious” film narratives.

Two of the best examples are 2006’s Taxidermia and 2010’s A Serbian Film – incidentally, two films hailing from the former Soviet bloc states in Eastern Europe. The former is a film that directly homes in on the sociopolitical trepidations of the masses, painting a portrait of modern existence that’s just as vapid, ambitionless and ugly as life under fascist and communist rule, while the latter is a flick about a retired adult film star offered an insane amount of money to star in some really, really perverted features. Add to that list a series of extremely graphic, no-budget shockers like The Angel’s Melancholy, the August Underground trilogy and the entire filmography of Lucifer Valentine (be forewarned, he mentions upfront his oeuvre is inspired by a bizarre love of vomit) and one bears witness to the natural progression of the horror film as an artistic reflection of culture. Yes, it is gruesome and nasty and stomach churning, but it is no longer a celebration of fantastical violence coiled around predictable supernatural hokum or smarmy, self-reflexive humor. Instead, it’s the retransmission of violence in our actual world, of the abuse and carnage and horror that reigns supreme in the shadowy recesses of our inner cities and the darkened corners of our suburban and exurban strongholds.

This is the great post-post-post-modern collective fear: that although we are aware of violence everywhere thanks to the advent of the Internet, we nonetheless feel supernaturally safeguarded from that violence ever happening to us. We’ll never get mowed down in a mass shooting. Our kid will never get abducted by some psychosexual maniac. We’ll never get blown up in a terrorist attack. We’ll never get shot in the back of the skull during a “routine” armed robbery. We’ll never get gangraped behind a dumpster. I mean, these things definitely happen, but thanks to some magical totem, we’ve convinced ourselves that all-too-real horror will ever befall us.

But we know it’s there. Indeed, all it takes is a few clicks on the Internet and we’re at Liveleak or WorldStar HipHop, watching the pain and suffering and torment and torture and sometimes deaths of others as entertainment. We all like to pretend we’re above such prurient pursuits, that we’re much nobler savages than that, but we aren’t. We like to gaze in the abyss, just as long as the abyss never looks back at us.

THAT is where the next wave of horror movies needs to go. Right now, we’re all a bunch of gawkers and lookie-loos at the zoo, admiring the beasts from afar, knowing full well that the cage separating us from the primitive spares us from bodily harm. U.S. culture works in much the same way, albeit, with a steady Internet connection representing the electronic bulwark segregating the collective id from the collective ego. But what happens when the social facade breaks, and the whole world can see our inner vileness and ruthlessness, while at the same time, our individual weakness and powerlessness is broadcasted to the world at large?

“In space, no one can hear you scream” was the brilliant tagline for Alien. Perhaps a modernized spin on that sales pitch should be horror’s new rallying cry.

Outside of cyberspace, no one cares if you scream.

Upcoming Vampire, Zombie and Monster Movies:

• Dracula Untold 2
• Victor Frankenstein 2
• I Am Legend 2
• Vampire Academy 2
• Blade 4
• Underworld 5
• Constantine 2

The post Why Horror Movies Today Suck appeared first on HalfGuarded.

The Croods 3 Poll:

When is The Croods 3 release date?

The Croods 3 does not yet have a release date, but rumors indicate it may be released 2-3 years after the Croods 2, which is set for September, 2020.

Upcoming Nicolas Cage Movies:

• The Croods 2
• Con Air 2
• Ghost Rider 3
• National Treasure 3
• Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
• Drive Angry 2
• Season of the Witch 2
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
• Matchstick Men 2
• Gone in Sixty Seconds 2
• Face/Off 2
• Raising Arizona 2
• Mandy 2

The Croods 3 Cast and Characters:

• Nic Cage as Grug.
• Emma Stone as Eep.
• Catherine Keener as Ugga.
• Randy Thom as Sandy.
• Clark Duke as Thunk.
• Cloris Leachman as Gran.
• Peter Dinklage as Phil Betterman.
• Chris Sanders as Belt.
• Ryan Reynolds as Guy.

The Croods 3 Trailer

The Croods 3 Potential Plot Option:

The Croods 3 Photos:

The post The Croods 3 | 2023 Release Date? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Seattle, WA

@HalfGuarded

Some people swear Nirvana is the greatest band ever. Some think they’re overrated. I … don’t give a shit. They were, if nothing else, a symbol for a HUGE change in music. I also like their music and think their “sound” (or whatever the term is that smart people use) is great.

Rape Me by Nirvana is a song. I like it. True story, or at least true in that I remember reading it once and am not going to be bothered to check my memory, that Wal-Mart wouldn’t carry it and so they released a censored version that was something like “Waif Me” with Kurt Cobain basically saying, “I know what it’s like to be a poor kid and that’s your only place to get music.” I thought that was always a kinda cool and mature attitude. Anyways.

RAPE ME by NIRVANA

And the balls to play that live on air. Go out and get raped in their honor.

…

Wait. That’s not right. OR IS IT?!?!?

RAPE ME, Nirvana, Lyrics

Rape me
Rape me my friend
Rape me
Rape me again

I’m not the only one [x4]

Hate me
Do it and do it again
Waste me
Rape me my friend

I’m not the only one [x4]

My favorite inside source
I’ll kiss your open sores
Appreciate your concern
You’ll always stink and burn

Rape me
Rape me my friend
Rape me
Rape me again

I’m not the only one [x4]

Rape me! [x9]

The post Rape Me appeared first on HalfGuarded.

In 1985, a group of hormonal pre-teens captivated American audiences and the hearts of anyone aged 5-15, in a movie so loveable it scorched box office expectations and made 61 million in the opening weekend. In a delightful tale about a hodgepodge group of friends in search of a way to save their homes, located in the goon docks outside of Astoria, Oregon from a rich real-estate developer, Sean Astin as Mikey leads the “goonies” on the adventure of a lifetime.

To keep their families from moving, and the crew together, as a last-ditch effort, these adventurous adolescents found themselves on a treasure hunt, searching for the lost gold of the infamous mythical pirate, One-Eyed Willy. Would they find the gold in time to prevent Troy and his father from demolishing their homes? Would the evil Fratelli’s beat them to the cache of wealth? Did the gold even exist or was it simply a legend?

This epic tale created a generation of children pining away in their clubhouses creating treasure maps. Elaborate and usually worthless booby-traps were employed by countless groups of kids in hopes of catching their foes, and inspirational speeches were given in an effort to motivate friends to take advantage of “Our time, down here!” If your demographic was “prepubescence” in the 80’s, you LOVED the Goonies.

Jump forward 33 years to the present to the sequel! In a time where reboots such as Full House and the Connors make up the ever growing vast expanse of mindless unoriginal programming, Warner Brothers has done the unthinkable and actually created a sequel.

Not counting the Konami created “Goonies” game for the original Nintendo Entertainment System, this next chapter of the Goonies is entitled Goonies 2: Chunk goes to the moon! This movie, slated to be released in Summer of 2020, is not a spin-off, not a reboot, and not a vapid cash grab. In fact, all of the original cast members, sans John Matuszak who passed away in 1989, have been signed on for the sequel. Matuszak’s character “Sloth,” the loveable misunderstood and mistreated Fratelli sibling, will be played by Rob Corddry.

RUMOR PLOT OF GOONIES 2

The story of Goonies 2 begins back in Astoria, Washington. The goonies are all grown up, but most still live within the confines of the goon docks. Mikey and his older brother Brand, played by Josh Brolin, live together in their parent’s old house. Mikey has become a miserable abusive drunk, who pilfered all of their treasure earnings on alcohol and cough medicine. Brand is at his wit’s end as sanitation commissioner, as his employees are threatening to strike.

Mikey’s best friend, Mouth, played by Corey Haim, has become a podcast sensation, with dreams of a career in Hollywood. His live-in girlfriend Stef, Martha Plimpton, has found a modicum of success as a topless dancer at the seedy strip club, One-Eyed Willie’s. Data, played by Jonathan Ke Quan, is the top engineer for NASA and has designed a rare element scavenging space shuttle to send missions to other planets in search of resources that have become depleted on earth. He is in the process of selecting his first crew to go to the moon, and then to Mars.

That brings us to the oaf of the group, Chunk. Having never been one to shy away from attention, Chunk used his slick talking and tendency toward exaggerations to garner a career in politics. After having served three terms in the Oregon Senate, Lawrence Woodford aka Chunk is looking to take the next step and become the state’s first openly transgendered Governor, as Laurel Woodford.

CAST OF GOONIES 2

Oh yes, the Fratelli’s are back as well. Mama Fratelli who passed away some time ago from laryngeal cancer, left behind her two sons Francis and Jake, as well as Sloth, to mire in their own corruption. Back in Jail, Jake has been repeatedly unsuccessful in escape but this time, he and Francis have cooked up quite the scheme to finally skirt justice, and get back what they believe to be rightfully theirs, the treasure of One-Eyed-Willy. Their soft-hearted slow-witted brother Sloth has not been heard from since being placed in the custody of the state for mental health reasons.

Evil pervert Troy has taken over his father’s business and has become a wealthy real estate mogul. His recent purchase of Major League Soccer’s Seattle Sounders has created turmoil as he plans to exact revenge on Mikey and Brand by bulldozing the goon docks and building a lavish and exquisite stadium in its place.

In this heartwarming action adventure and ill-conceived plot with holes so gaping they’d need their own porn genre, the Goonies must come together to save the goon docks, their families and the earth itself. How exactly will they achieve this? Have they lost their marbles? Find out in the Summer of 2020!

For more wackiness and podcasts galore, check out ComedySuplex.XYZ! Subscribe on iTunes to the Comedy Suplex podcart with hosts Mikey G and PeachMachine, bringing you a comedic take on professional wrestling and MMA. Listen to A Grappling Cooperative, with Nature Boy Jon for a classy retrospective on professional wrestling. If women’s wrestling is your niche, we have that as well! Listen to WWE: Women’s Wrestling Extravaganza with host Ed in San Antonio.

The post Goonies 2: Chunk Goes to the Moon appeared first on HalfGuarded.

1987 is another year that I feel spoiled for choice in writing about three films from the year I love, along with one WTF? moment (there were so many films from this year for this category, but I chose a great film that was misunderstood rather than one of the awful ones on offer). There was also a fair few British movies  from this year that I could have included, and no I’m not talking about Withnail and I, which I liked the one time I saw it but never fell in love with it in the same way every other movie lover I know did. 84 Charing Cross Road, Hope and Glory and rather bizarrely two films said to be based on the life of notorious Brothel Madam Cynthia Payne with Wish you Were Here and Personal Services were all films I remember enjoying.

While comedies were proving more popular at the box office, this was a great year for iconic action movies, with Mel Gibson and Gary Busey having one of the best film fights in Lethal Weapon (a film which blew me away at how good it was as a kid), and Schwarzeneggar at his prime with Predator and Running Man.

But one action film really stood out for me, one that had surprising depth despite having a potentially silly premise.

Robocop (click HERE and HERE for more)

The picture in the above poster was the first sight I ever saw of Robocop. This rather sleeker depiction of the character we would see in the actual film accompanied am alarmist news article (I believe in the now dead tabloid The News of The World) decrying how sickeningly violent this film was and that censors were ready to slap an 18 rating on it to protect UK children from seeing it. For me it was like Gremlins all over again. I was outraged that these busy bodies were denying me a film with it’s premise of a wounded cop, rebuilt as a super robot to fight crime was so obviously aimed at a younger audience.

Fortunately my Dad knew a guy at work who got me a good quality pirated video tape, not that long after it was in theatres. Naturally I soon realised that this was a comic book story wrapped around a very adult movie.

Robocop is jarringly violent, probably the most vicious and explicit action film I’d seen up to that point in my life. It. When people are shot it’s with more intensity than the average action scene of that era, the bullet squibs are way larger, with not just a small hole appearing in a body when hit but an explosion of blood and flesh, the victim jerking in powerful spasms. We see people beaten to a pulp, an attempted rapist shot in the bollocks, a suitably gruesome end for an irritating henchmen who emerges from falling in a vat of chemical waste hideously deformed and his body fall apart when hit by a car. But the most difficult to watch is future Robocop Officer Murphy who is shot to pieces in a prolonged execution by a gang of truly hateful thugs.

But this violence fits in with overall tone of the movie. Because although Robocop has the look, title, story and rousing score of a superhero movie, it has an ingenious amount of satire and social commentary as well as black humour. Robocop’s quest to track down and bring to justice that gang that essentially murdered him when he was officer Murphy, plays out against a backdrop of corporate corruption and an institutional failure to deal with the causes of crime.

The film targets the privatisation of public services by depicting a scenario where the police forces of Detroit are handed over to the control of a corporation OCP. Underfunded and saddled with unreliable equipment, the police are suffering casualties on streets where crime is running rampart and their union is close to going on strike. In a direct satire on Government military contracts the OCP attempt to introduce an armed police robot, not caring that it doesn’t work and when it malfunctions and kills a young exec at a demonstration the head of the board is more annoyed at it’s failure then the death it caused.

There’s also commentary of politics with Robocop called to deal with an armed siege where a politician has taken hostages to demand a recount. But it’s the network media that the film really rips into. Throughout the film there are segments of news clips where cheerful newsreaders glibly read out horrific and downbeat stories, while also promoting OCP propaganda pieces (“Good luck Frank” one newsreader gleefully signs off a story of a cop fighting for his life with). There are spoofs on american tv ads, with a memorable one for a family board game “Nuke Em” based around nuclear war. Popular culture also gets sent up with the most popular TV show seemingly being a sex comedy built around a repetitive catch phrase “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

With the satire, dystopian setting of a crime ridden city and a heavy handed policeman with hints of fascism given Carte Blanche to be Judge, Jury and Executioner, it’s no surprise that a major influence for Paul Verhoeven was the UK’s very own Judge Dredd. Robocop’s design is based on a combination of Dredd and the Marvel comic Rom: Spaceknight (a copy of which can be seen on a rack in the scene where Robocop stops a store robbery).

Robocop is a great action film, with a lot of emotional heart. Throughout the film Robocop begins to recall the memories of Murphy, remembering his wife and family and reliving the trauma of his death. As his personality slowly resurfaces thanks to the help of his former partner Anne Lewis, we build to the iconic final moments of the film where when asked his name he replies “Murphy.” It’s a shame then that the following sequels did away with Murphy finding his way back and instead regressed Robocop’s personality back to the robotic persona he first had upon his activation. The potential of the world of Robocop was wasted on the uninspired two sequels and a dull television series, so that the character became a joke (wrestling fans may remember him appearing at a WCW PPV chasing off Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen). As for the 2014 remake, it may have had some of the social commentary of the original but it was decidedly less fun (not to mention having one of the most unintentionally hilarious moments of the year).

The original Robocop however remains one of the shining lights of 80’s movies, a fun and deceptively clever romp.

Princess Bride 

While younger audiences may have been denied possibly the greatest sci-fi movie of the decade, they could have consoled themselves with one of the most warmhearted, endearing and exciting family movies of the whole 80s. The Princess Bride is a swashbuckling adventure, teaming a Giant and a fencer (on a lifelong quest to find the six fingered swordsman who killed his father) with a pirate trying to save the love of his life from being married to an evil Prince. It’s a fairy tale premise, which also appeals to adults with it’s humour but not in a way that is designed to go over the heads of kids in a Shrek way.

Princess Bride was a real labour of love for director Rob Reiner who adored the novel by William Goldman and had to fight studios to be given the chance at the adaptation as previous attempts to bring it to the screen had failed. Reiner stayed true to the book and included the framing device of Princess Bride being a story within a story, as it’s actually a book read by a Grandfather (played by Peter Faulk) to his sick Grandson (played by Fred Savage, he of Wonder Years fame). “When I was your age, television was called books,” Faulk says to the less than impressed kid, who goes on to narrate the story with a few interruptions along the way which bounce the viewer out of the story, such as when Savage baulks because the story has “kissing” and when the Grandpa considers bringing the reading to a halt because the Grandson is taking the story too seriously.

The kid is reluctantly won over by the story, which features the Pirate Wesley  running a gauntlet of tests of skill, strength, wits and the dangers of a monster ridden, fearsome wood to save his beloved Buttercup, before subsuming to the scheming and betrayal of the evil king. But there is one scene that stands out and that anyone who sees this film can never forget.

It’s possibly the greatest sword fight ever put to celluloid between Wesley (in his persona of the Dread Pirate Roberts) and world class fencer Indigo Montoya.  Almost three minutes of relentless thrusts, parries, acrobatics, banter and one upmanship. There is the coolest of moments half way through the battle Montoya reveals that he has been fighting left handed as a way to handicap himself and give his opponent a sporting chance, but when he switches and gains the advantage Wesley reveals that he is not left handed either and has been doing the same. It’s an amazing battle as the two gain respect for each other in the contest.

There are memorable performances from top to bottom of the cast. Cary Elwes and Mandy Patinkin are perfect as the dashing swashbucklers, Robin Wright in her first major role is a delight as Buttercup, while the most inspired casting triumph is the film managing to convince the WWF to allow them to use Andre the Giant for the role of the tough but gentle Fezzik (while Andre has the size or the role he was suffering a back injury and had to use cables and ramps to help in the scenes where he’s seen carrying the other actors). There are some minor roles which pay off with hilarious comedy moments, such as Peter Cook as the short tongued clergyman conducting the wedding and Billy Crystal ab libs his way from his scenes as a healer.

Wallace Shawn is also utterly memorable in his brief role as the criminal mastermind Vizzini, where he manages to get his catchphrase “Inconceivable!” in five times despite been killed off early in the film. Princess Bride  isn’t short on highly quotable lines. Even today, Cary Elwes can rarely buy a cup of coffee or make a food order without receiving the reply “as you wish,” the signature response that Wesley gives to Buttercup. Likewise Mandy Patinkin is plagued with fans reciting to him the most famous line:

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

For all the love that went into the making of Princess Bride, the film did not set the box office on fire. The studio didn’t seem to know how to get across the tone of the film and their promotion was bordering on  incompetent. With a less than eye catching poster that didn’t get across the adventure element of the film, even worse came in the painful (even by 80’s standards) trailer that portrayed Princess Bride as a slapstick comedy with shades of  Monty Python. Unappealing to kids and causing parents to be wary, this campaign while not resulting in a bomb (it brought in 30 mill against a budget of 15) it made little profit in theatres.

However the film gained a cult audience on home release and today is considered one of the finest family movies of all time. It has a timeless look and appeal and is a film that parents who like to instill an enjoyment of films to their kids should have high on their list as one to introduce them to. It’s too wonderful a film to pass up on.

While writing this I discovered that a PG version of Deadpool 2 is to be released this Christmas. In a homage to Princess Bride, the film will ape it’s storybook framing device with Deadpool as the grandfather and the grown up Fred Savage reprising his role as the grandson. 

Near Dark

Although I’ve already covered Near Dark in one of my first Couchzone Movie Club blogs (back before I started the year retrospective theme) I decided I couldn’t cover 1987 and not include this film. Also I’d like to think I may inspire at least one person to discover this cult classic through reading this.

As a teen I considered 1987 to be the year that the greatest vampire movie of all time was released. A modern reworking of the vampire mythos, that also happened to one of the coolest movies of the 80’s. It was called Lost Boys. Come my twenties, I still thought the greatest, coolest modern take on vampires came out in 1987, but it was no longer Lost Boys, it was a little known cult movie, directed by Katherine Bigelow.

Released just two months before Lost Boys, and sadly completely over shadowed by it, Near Dark is far better movie with a grittier edge. It combines elements of westerns, road movies and biker movies with the true horror of vampires (back in the day when they were still scary and you stuck a stake through their hearts as opposed to them been Emo posers who teenage girls fucked).

Near Dark does have similarities in story with Lost Boys. It follows a young man Caleb (Adrian Pasdar of Heroes) who is accidentally turned to a vampire by a young girl “Mae” he meets on a night out. He’s then kidnapped by the group of vampires Mae belongs to, a dysfunctional family dynamic (one of the vampires is trapped in the body of a child) that drift through remote American towns in a RV picking off victims to prey on. While they initially want to kill Caleb to keep their existence hidden, Mae convinces them to give Caleb a chance to join their family and teach him how to hunt.

Near Dark does away with the magical aspects of Vampire myth, stripping it down to the tropes of immortality, blood feasting and their vulnerability to sunlight. This helps to ground the film in a modern western setting that plays well with the vampires grimy, rock, biker vibe to, and the arsenal of firearms they travel with. They give a whole new meaning to going to a bar for a drink, as they descend on a bar, slaughter the inhabitants and feed on them. This leads to a vicious gunfight with local police who track them down and surround the motel that they have holed up in.

There is some inspired casting, with Near Dark reuniting three principal players from the previous year’s Aliens (directed by Bigelow’s one time husband), with Lance Henriksen as Jesse Hooker (head of the Vampire family and a Civil War veteran on the South side), Jennette Goldstein (Hooker’s wife Diamondback) and Bill Paxton as the cocky, denim, cowboy boots and sunglasses clad Severen. Paxton steals scenes just like he did in Aliens and is obviously relishing the role.

Near Dark hits the atmosphere and tone perfectly, not only of the horror world of the vampire, but the alternative lifestyle of Hooker’s group of outlaws. This has always been Bigelow’s hallmark, capturing the right look and mood for a movie, as well as subverting familiar genres. She takes the concept of vampires and converts them into 20th century themes, in Near Dark  that being the need for blood and way the group live resembling drug addiction, along with the nature of the family unit. There is also the  desire for companionship, with two romances in the group and with Homer (the vampire trapped as child) attempting to turn Caleb’s young sister to a vampire so he will have someone his own age (in body not mentally) to go through life with.

Near Dark is a great film, with charismatic Anti-heroes who you switch from rooting for to against. It’s a hard edged, and darkly cool vampire movie, a heavy rock alternative to the pop feel of Lost Boys. This is the vampires that popular culture should have embraced instead of them being new-romantic pussies.

WTF? Wallstreet “no that’s not what I meant at all!”

There were so many WTFs I could have gone for. The done on the cheap Superman IV, the barmy Jaws: The Revenge, the “ghost” in Three Men and a Baby. But instead I thought I’d go with a great movie, that was admired by some for all the wrong reasons. 

“Greed is good, Greed works!” are the words of Gordon Gekko as he delivers a speech that was intended to be a savage attack on the selfishness of 80’s capitalism. With Oliver Stone’s typical subtle as a baseball bat to the face heavy handiness, Wall Street addresses the get rich quick, profit first philosophy of the decade. Gekko, represents everything that is wrong with the way America was heading and as an audience we are meant to hate him, be angered by his speech.

But in the words of Mother Theresa “That fucking backfired!”

Because for a generation of young men making their starts in life, “Greed is good!” sounded a great motto to live life by, a justification to be selfish, shallow and indulgent and everything the yuppie stood for. Film goers left theatres in 1987 not inspired to take to the streets and tear down the institutions of Wall Street, but to find out how they could get a job as a stockbroker.

Oilver Stone no doubt shook his head, bemused that he couldn’t have been any clearer that in the battle for the soul of Charlie Sheen’s Bud Fox you’re supposed to identify with Bud’s father the Union guy and not the nasty rich guy. I mean he named him GEKKO, how much more obvious could he make it that he was the baddie.

Truthfully though, Stone didn’t go about getting his message across in the best way. I mean who is the more appealing role model here? They guy who works hard his whole life and ends up having a heart attack, or the multi millionaire who has his own plane and island?

Fact is, once you put a piece of art out there, you’ve absolutely no control how people will interpret it or what message they will take from it. Wall Street is a great film of it’s time, a warning of where society was heading and it does have a well intentioned agenda. It doesn’t attack the general concept of capitalism, but rather the get rich quick philosophy of the 80’s. It encourages instead to profit through working and building something up. It’s a noble thought and when you look at the amount of companies and businesses which exist to make money without actually creating goods or services or contributing any thing to society it’s a film which is all the more relevant in the 21st century as it was in the 80’s.

The sad thing about Wall Street, it’s a film we watched but never really listened to.

And on that cheery note, see ya next time

Dazza

The post Couchzone Movie Club looks at 1987 and ROBOCOP appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Drive Angry 2 Poll:

Upcoming Nicolas Cage Movies:

• Con Air 2
• Ghost Rider 3
• National Treasure 3
• The Croods 2
• The Croods 3
• Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
• Season of the Witch 2
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
• Matchstick Men 2
• Gone in Sixty Seconds 2
• Face/Off 2
• Raising Arizona 2
• Mandy 2

When is Drive Angry 2’s Release Date?

Drive Angry 2 releases on February 25th, 2021, exactly ten years after the first.

Drive Angry 2 Cast and Characters:

• Nic Cage as as Milton.
• Amber Heard as Piper.
• Billy Burke as Jonah King.
• Todd Farmer as Farmer.

What will the Drive Angry sequel be about?

Drive Angry was basically one of Nic Cage’s several devil spawn coming to Earth to kill people movies, like Ghost Rider. He played a bad guy who died and went to hell (for reals) and he somehow escaped and stole the devil’s gun, named the Godkiller, so he could kill a dude. And he drives a car and he’s super angry because that’s how he drives.

A sequel just seems to make sense. He comes back to nail Amber Heard again, because that is ALWAYS the right idea, and he has to angrily drive all over the place. And he does. And he kills people. And he’s cool.

Is there a Drive Angry 2 Trailer yet?

Nothing yet, as the film hasn’t started production yet, but if there was a trailer, it’d look like this one but with a 2 after the title. Squint and you’ll basically get the same effect

The post Drive Angry 2 | 2021 Release for the Sequel? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Aziz Ansari is responsible for this having wiggled its way into my head – sorta. Obviously – he writes even though if it’s obvious why do you need to tell everyone? – as a white guy who spent most of his life as a bit of an outsider, Master of Puppets has been a part of my musical biography, so it isn’t like I was unfamiliar with the song.  And obviously, as a white man, I’m a racist who isn’t woke, so Aziz doing anything shouldn’t matter to me, and yet it does now. See, what had happened was, after Randy got caught trying to have sex with a willing woman – a crime – he had to reinvent himself, and as part of that reinvention he learned to play the guitar. OK, only some of that is true: I’m not sure if he’s really reinvented himself, and he said he learned to play the guitar when he was 14, but he definitely tried to have sex with a willing woman, that much is true. I promise.

Long and short, I heard a brief clip of him playing Master of Puppets and thus it got stuck in my head which leads to me putting it here which lead to you clicking out of interest (or pity) and which finally ended with you now listening.

Let’s do it.

MASTER OF PUPPETS

The post Master of Puppets appeared first on HalfGuarded.

I’m not even sure if this is good, I won’t lie.  However, when writing about GUESS WHAT’S STUCK IN MIKE’S HEAD, amiability isn’t necessary.

Nor is using “amiability” properly. (I was close.)(Mike from the future: this is now one of my favorite songs and favorite bands – go figure.)

I heard this on the radio machine the other day.  Fuck that, it’s a new pet peeve of mine, when people purposely say something stupid for technology’s name.  Like, “The InterWebs” or whatever.  You aren’t clever or cool, you’re just an idiot.  “The radio machine” is a shit attempt at that.  One I regret.

Right then.  I heard this on the radio.  I listen to the radio for approximately 10 minutes a day: to and from the train station.  It’s not worth enough of my time to plug in my phone so I listen to the radio.  Basically, if the world of music wants me to hear something new, they have 10 minutes a day.  And the station I listen to, WKQX Chicago (the former Q 101 of my youth), plays a lot of the good music, from when music was good: STP, Nirvana, White Stripes, Blondie, etc…

WKQX played this the other day, both on my way to and from the train, so it must be good.  Just listen to it.  Or don’t.  (Apparently, it almost won a Grammy – I’m REALLY out of the loop, aren’t I?)(It may also be from that show, Stranger Things, but I’m not sure.  They both showed up together on Google.)

Highly Suspect Music Video: My Name Is Human

Highly Suspect Music Video: My Name Is Human LYRICS

Okay

I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling myself
Fuck everyone else
Gotta remember that nobody is better than anyone else, here
(Do you need some time to think it over?)
Look what they do to you
Look what they do to me
Must be joking if you think that either one is free, here

Get up off your knees, girl
Stand face to face with your God
And find out what you are
(Hello, my name is human)
Hello, my name is human
And I came down from the stars
(Hello, my name is human)

I’m ready for love and I’m ready for war
But I’m ready for more
I know that nobody’s ever been this fucking ready before, hey
(Do you need some time to think it over?)
So figure it out or don’t figure it out
I figured it out
The bigger the river (the bigger the river)
The bigger the drought (the bigger the drought)

Get up off your knees, boy
Stand face to face with your God
And find out what you are
(Hello, my name is human)
Hello, my name is human
And I came down from the stars
(Hello, my name is human)

Fire world, I love you
Fire world

I’m up off my knees, girl
I’m face to face with myself
And I know who I am
(Hello, my name is human)
I stole the power from the sun
I’m more than just a man
(No longer disillusioned)

(I’m not asking questions)
(‘Cause questions have answers)
(And I don’t want answers)
I came down from the stars (so I’ll take my chances)
(And what are the chances)
(That I could advance)
(On my own circumstances)
(Said “what are the chances?”)
Hello, my name is human (and what are the chances?)
(I don’t want your answers)
(I’m not asking questions)
(So you keep your answers)
And I know who I am (so you keep your answers)
(I’m not asking questions)
(I’m taking my chances)

(If those are wrong, don’t look at me, I just stole them from somewhere else.)

The post My Name Is Human appeared first on HalfGuarded.

My father was 20 when this song came out, which meant I was still chilling in his balls for another 13 years or so before I’d be able to ramble and gamble.  Good times.

I wonder what Wikipedia has to say about this song:

“Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man” is a song written and performed by Bob Seger (as the Bob Seger System). The song was originally released as a single in October 1968, then as a track on the album of the same name in April 1969. The single fared well, reaching No. 17 on the national charts. The original studio version, released in mono, had been unavailable to the public until it was included on Seger’s 2011 compilation album Ultimate Hits: Rock and Roll Never Forgets. It was Bob Seger’s first top 20 hit.

It’s an awesome song and I’d like to thank Spotify for bringing it to my attention – I’d also like to thank Bob Seger for writing and performing it.  Also: thanks, Mom, for being near Dad’s balls.

Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man Video

Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man Lyrics

Yeah, I’m gonna tell my tale come on, uh come on, give a listen
Cause I was born lonely down by the riverside
Learned to spin fortune wheels and throw dice
I was just thirteen when I had to leave home
Knew I couldn’t stick around
I had to roam, ain’t good lookin’
But you know I ain’t shy
Ain’t afraid to look you girl, hey in the eye
So if you need some lovin’ and you need it right away
Take a little time out and maybe I’ll stay

But I got to ramble (Ramblin’ man)
Gamble (Gamblin’ man)
Got to, got to ramble (ramblin’ man)
I was born a ramblin’, gamblin’ man

Yeah, uhh, say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hah, hah
A bring it on, come on now
Yeah, alright, here we go now

Now, I’m out of money, ’cause you know I need some
Ain’t gonna run on lovin’ and I must run
Got to keep movin’, never gonna slow down
You can have your funky world, see you ’round
Cause I got to ramble (Ramblin’ man)
I got to gamble (gamblin’ man)
I got to ramble (ramblin’ man)
Lord I’m a ramblin’, gamblin’ man

Oh! I’m just a rambler
Yeah! and I’m just a gambler
Come on and sing along
‘Cause I’m just a rambler (ramblin’ man)
Lord I’m a gambler (gamblin’ man)
I’m a rambler

I had to roam, ain’t good lookin’
But you know I ain’t shy
Ain’t afraid to look you girl, hey in the eye

The post Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man appeared first on HalfGuarded.

High Rise 2 Poll:

Luke Evans’ Upcoming Movies:

• Immortals 2
• Beauty and the Beast 2 – Gaston’s Sequel
• The Three Musketeers 2
• No One Lives 2
• Lord of the Rings Streaming Series
• Dracula Untold 2
• Midway

What will High Rise 2 be about?

The plot for the proposed High Rise sequel is being kept tightly under wraps, but it may continue the story from where it left off in the first film, with all the death and disheartening fighting and Loki being super sad about his girlfriend being dead, but then Dracula comes back to life, and Thor shows up, and they take on Avengers in the second tower (AKA Avengers tower). Then they smoke a bunch of pot because the second film really highlights the HIGH Rise. Speaking of, buy a shirt:

High Rise 2 Cast and Characters:

• Tom Hiddleston as Robert Laing.
• Jeremy Irons as Anthony Royal.
• Sienna Miller as Charlotte Melville.
• Luke Evans as Richard Wilder.
• Elisabeth Moss as Helen Wilder.
• James Purefoy as Pangbourne.
• Keeley Hawes as Ann Royal.
• Peter Ferdinando as Cosgrove.

Will Ben Wheatley return to direct High Rise 2?

Ben Wheatley just signed on to direct another film adaptation of Rebecca, the 1938 classic gothica romantic thriller. Armie Hammer and Lily James are set to star. So if there is going to be a sequel to High Rise, it’ll either have to wait or get a different director because the Wheatman is booked (I’m taking this moment to declare he and I are buds. We haven’t met, but I have an adorable nickname for him that any woman would appreciate as it fits the Romantic comedy formula. He and I probably play basketball to de-stress and he’s very wise in a real world way. Just when I’m about to make a bad decision or chicken out of telling the woman I love how I feel, he’ll be there to set me on the right path. The Wheatman is a good man.

High Rise 2 Trailer:

The post High Rise 2 | Will there be a sequel in 2020? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Season of the Witch 2 Poll:

Upcoming Nicolas Cage Movies:

• Con Air 2
• Ghost Rider 3
• National Treasure 3
• The Croods 2
• The Croods 3
• Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
• Drive Angry 2
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
• Matchstick Men 2
• Gone in Sixty Seconds 2
• Face/Off 2
• Raising Arizona 2
• Mandy 2

When is the Season of the Witch sequel release date?

No official release date has been set for the Season of the Witch sequel, but it may be targeted for January, 2021.

Season of the Witch 2 Cast and Characters:

• Nic Cage as Sir Behmen von Bleibruck.
• Claire Foy as the Anna.
• Ron Perlman as Felson.
• Robert Sheehan as Kay von Wollenbarth.
• Christopher Lee as Cardinal D’Ambroise.
  • Just kidding. He’s dead.

Will Dominic Sena direct the Season of the Witch sequel?

I can’t see why not. Sena hasn’t made a movie since Season of the Witch, most likely because it was kinda expensive and flopped hard. That said, he directed Swordfish back in 2001, which starred Hugh Jackman and made hackers sexy again, because hackers are always needing to be sexy, and he made Whiteout, which was a horror film but not based on my script, where a young man is… erased… from existence. Except you find out in the end he was never erased, but rather covered in a thick, sticky white substance. It was an adult film.

What will the Season of the Witch sequel be about?

Well, since the first finished with it being revealed that Anna, the suspected young witch, was in fact not a witch, but rather possessed by a demon. Nic Cage and Ron Perlman both died in the movie (sorry, spoilers but if you’re reading a preview of the potential sequel to a relatively unsuccessful film, I’d say it’s safe to say it’s okay to be a little spoilery), and the film ended with the now safe young woman heading off with the sole survivor of the fellowship that was put together to get her to a monastery. She asked him to tell her of those who saved her, since she didn’t experience the events of the film (it was the demon). The sequel picks up after that, with the young woman going through combat and religious training to become the most awesome knight of God ever. And that’s the movie.

Season of the Witch 2 Trailer:

The post Season of the Witch 2 | A potential 2021 Sequel in the works? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

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Despite perpetually bleeding money and minimal box off appeal, WWE is still in the movie business. Yet again they enter into the foray of holiday cinema with the remake of a holiday classic, A Christmas Carol. The movie takes place in present day, and while the story is similar, there are some huge changes to the plot.

The story will remain mostly intact but the backdrop is New York City, where struggling social media ambassador Robert Cratchit works for fragments of cryptocurrency as an employee of Super Charged Athletic Modifications. The evil CEO of SCAM, Ebeneezer Scrooge, also owns the NYC Bullies, the premier team of Major League Lacrosse.

As the elder Cratchit struggles to make ends meet on his paltry salary, his youngest son “tiny” Tim awaits a critical surgery to repair his ulnar collateral ligament known in Lacrosse as “Gary Gait’s” surgery. Formerly a star “middie” for the Bullies, Tiny currently sits on the sidelines as he awaits his Go Fund Me campaign to surpass his meager goal.

Rather than pay for Tiny’s surgery, Scrooge would prefer to use Tim as a guinea pig for his newest athletic arm modification, Kyber powered bionic limbs. However, there’s one major drawback. Bob knows if Tim gets the bionic arm, it would contain a microchip giving Scrooge complete control, and Tim would become the legal property of SCAM, allowing Scrooge to gain an unfair advantage in the sport.

CAST OF A CHRISTMAS CAROL REMAKE BY WWE

In an even bigger plot twist than the movie itself is the announcement that WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has been cast in the leading role of Ebenezer Scrooge. Playing the part of Robert “Le Bob” Cratchit, after the modicum of success seen by the half dozen “Marine” movies, is Mike “The Miz” Mizanin.

Plenty of other WWE performers will also be in the film. In an attempt to give the movie a more modern feel, the Cratchit marriage is polyamorous. Le Bob’s wife Martha will be played by Alicia Fox, while their tri-lover-partner Janerix, will be played by Jinder Mahal. Of course, their extraneous children will be played by WWE security guards who just happen to be small but jacked and tan males in their early twenties. Finally, straight out of the WWE playbook, Braun Strowman will be playing the part of “tiny” Tim.

In other roles, the Ghost of Xmas Past is played by Mean Gene Okerlund, the Ghost of Xmas Present is played by Baron Corbin, and the entire New Day trio of Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods will play the part of the Ghosts of Xmas Future, dressed like when three kids are trying to sneak into a rated R movie by getting on each other’s shoulders and wearing a long overcoat, sunglasses and a detectives hat. Finally, In a stunning cameo, Scrooge’s dead partner Jacob Marley is played by the ghost of Roddy Piper.

Box Office Potential for A Christmas Carol Remake by WWE

Will this movie be as successful as previous WWE movies such as The Scorpion King, The Rundown, Walking Tall, See No Evil, The Marine, The Condemned, Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia, 12 Rounds, The Marine 2, Legendary, Knucklehead, The Chaperone, That’s What I Am, Inside Out, The Reunion, Bending the Rules, The Day, Barricade, The Marine 3: Homefront, Dead Man Down, The Call, No One Lives, Queens of the Ring (Les reines du ring), 12 Rounds 2: Reloaded, Christmas Bounty, Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery, Road to Paloma, Leprechaun: Origins, See No Evil 2, Jingle All the Way 2, The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age SmackDown, The Marine 4: Moving Target, Vendetta, 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown, The Condemned 2, Santa’s Little Helper, Countdown, Term Life, Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon, Interrogation, Incarnate, Eliminators, Surf’s Up 2: WaveMania, The Resurrection of Gavin Stone, The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania, The Marine 5: Battleground, Sleight, Pure Country: Pure Heart, Armed Response, Birth of the Dragon, Killing Hasselhoff, Mohawk, and The Marine 6: Close Quarters. This movie reviewer says… yes!

For more wackiness, checkout ComedySuplex.XYZ and follow @ComedySuplex & @PeachMachine on twitter. Subscribe to the Comedy Suplex Podcart on iTunes and Stitcher.

For the wacky wrestling fan in your life, head to ColtMerch.com and follow @ColtCabana on Twitter.

For the wacky athlete in your life, check out WorkhorseFitnessProducts.com and follow @WorkhorseFit on twitter. All Workhorse supplements are #TeamViggity approved!

ENJOY THE XMAS SEASON BITCHES~!

The post A Christmas Carol Remake from WWE appeared first on HalfGuarded.

Black Hole Sun was the first song I remember being “mine.”  I was probably 10 or 11 when the song came out.  It wasn’t something I heard when my parents were driving or anything like that, it was all mine mine mine.  Super Unknown was the first album I ever bought.  It was a cassette tape.

I felt cool listening to it.

That Chris Cornell died at the age of 52 shouldn’t be a surprise.  The 90s scene was just like every other era of music: everyone did drugs and partied hard and that shit catches up to you.  I didn’t mourn or anything like that, though I do feel for his family because that’s pretty damn young to die, even if it’s old by rock and roll standards.

Life happens and then you die.

Black Hole Sun

Black Hold Sun Lyrics

In my eyes, indisposed
In disguises no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake
The sun in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench
‘Neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream
And I’ll hear you scream again

Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come (won’t you come)

Stuttering, cold and damp
Steal the warm wind tired friend
Times are gone for honest men
And sometimes far too long for snakes
In my shoes, a walking sleep
And my youth I pray to keep
Heaven sent hell away
No one sings like you anymore

Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)

Hang my head, drown my fear
Till you all just disappear

Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won’t you come
Won’t you come

“And I’ll hear you scream again.”  I legit thought the lyric was “hear you scream gay.”

Cornell said this, according to Wikipedia, about the lyrics.  I found it interesting, do you?

Regarding “Black Hole Sun”, Cornell stated, “It’s just sort of a surreal dreamscape, a weird, play-with-the-title kind of song.”^[5] He also said that “lyrically it’s probably the closest to me just playing with words for words’ sake, of anything I’ve written. I guess it worked for a lot of people who heard it, but I have no idea how you’d begin to take that one literally.”^[6] In another interview he elaborated further, stating, “It’s funny because hits are usually sort of congruent, sort of an identifiable lyric idea, and that song pretty much had none. The chorus lyric is kind of beautiful and easy to remember. Other than that, I sure didn’t have an understanding of it after I wrote it. I was just sucked in by the music and I was painting a picture with the lyrics. There was no real idea to get across.”^[7] Commenting upon how the song was misinterpreted as being positive, Cornell said, “No one seems to get this, but ‘Black Hole Sun’ is sad. But because the melody is really pretty, everyone thinks it’s almost chipper, which is ridiculous.”^[8]

The post Black Hole Sun appeared first on HalfGuarded.

I think this song is, what?, maybe 12 years old?  Maybe older.

I’m not even sure why it’s stuck in my head but it is, and that means it gets to be stuck in your head too.

Everytime We Touch by Cascada MUSIC VIDEO FUN

Everytime We Touch by Cascada – All the Lyrics

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don’t know why
Without you it’s hard to survive

‘Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side

‘Cause every time we touch, I feel the static
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky
Can’t you hear my heart beat so I can’t let you go
Want you in my life

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times we’ve been through them all
You make me rise when I fall

‘Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side

‘Cause every time we touch, I feel the static
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky
Can’t you hear my heart beat so I can’t let you go
Want you in my life

‘Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side.

The post Everytime We Touch appeared first on HalfGuarded.

I Am Number 4 Sequel Poll:

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Alex Pettyfer’s Upcoming Movies:

• In Time 2
• The Strange Ones 2
• Endless Love 2
• Magic Mike 3
• Beastly 2
• Back Roads 2

Controversies surrounding the I Am Number 4 books/movies:

I Am Number 4 Controversy 1: James Frey is a big lying doo doo head?

The main controversy associated with I Am Number 4 is the issues around author James Frey, who cowrote the book under the pseudonym Pitticus Lore. Frey wrote a supposed memoir title A Million Little Pieces (not to be confused with the ABC show A Million Little Things) that was later discovered to have been largely fictionalized. It was heavily inspired by Frey’s real life events, or so he says, but it was initially marketed as a memoir. He’s been referred to as a fabulist, or one who creates fables. AKA A FRIGGIN LIAR.

Also, please do buy my latest memoir, Saving Pirate Brian. It’s about the time I was a pirate. Well, I was kidnapped by pirates then was so charming and convincing that they let me go. Then I went home, got my army and came back and slaughtered the pirates. Oh wait, that was Julius Caesar. What a dude. Still, give me money.

I Am Number 4 Controversy 2: Alex Pettyfer is a total turd?

The other controversy associated with I Am Number 4 focuses on Alex Pettyfer’s alleged domestic violence. He was dating his I Am Number 4 costar Diana Agron, who was said to be terrified of him following their breakup. She may have hid out in a hotel and booked the room under a fake name to keep hidden from him. Pettyfer also made enemies with Channing Tatum on the set of Magic Mike, which is why Pettyfer wasn’t in the sequel. So… he hasn’t done himself any favors.

What will the I Am Number 4 sequel be about?

Nothing confirmed yet, but I really hope they bring back Timothy Olyphant’s Henri. Maybe just in flashback but he’s awesome and I’d love to see more of the relationship between Henri and John.

As for the actual plot, it may follow the second book of the series, The Power of Six. The stories seem to be mainly about these various number folks getting together. Number 7 had chapters in the book dedicated to her as she tries to find John after the battle at the end of the first book/movie. And somehow number 6’s abilities probably matter. I hope Teresa Palmer’s power is to get naked. Yowza.

What is the official title of the I Am Number 4 sequel?

• I Am Number 4 2
• I’m Numb 42
• I Am Number 4: The Power of Six
• I Am Nothing More than Molecules and Science!
• I Am Not a Number!
• I Ain’t Gonna Eat That
• Poopeater 3: I Wish I were Still Number 4
• I Took a Number 2
• I Am Numero 4
• 4Ever

I Am Number 4 Sequel Cast & Characters:

• Alex Pettyfer as John Smith/Number Four.
• Timothy Olyphant as Henri.
• Teresa Palmer as Number Six.
• Dianna Agron as Sarah Hart.
• Callan McAuliffe as Sam Goode.
• Jake Abel as Mark James.
• Jeff Hochendoner as Sheriff James.
• Patrick Sebes as Kevin.

I Am Number 4 Sequel Trailer:

The post I Am Number 4 Sequel | What is the release date? appeared first on HalfGuarded.

This is Tove Lo.

#DiscoTits first play now with the great @ZaneLowe @Beats1 https://t.co/f1kAZcsRmX pic.twitter.com/FraFsBST4n

— Tove Lo (@ToveLo) September 7, 2017

Tove Lo is a singer. She might write some stuff too. In the back of my mind, she’s produced music for others. Tove Lo Habits (Stay High), is – you guessed it – stuck in my head. So now you all get to listen to it with me.  This is the part where I look up her Wikipedia and learn about her. Join me as we explore.

Ebba Tove Elsa Nilsson was born on 29 October 1987 in Stockholm, Sweden. Her mother is a psychologist and her father is a businessman. She has one older brother. Her lifelong nickname and adopted stage name, Tove Lo, was given to her at age three by her godmother because of her love for lynxes (singular: “lo” in Swedish). Lo grew up in Djursholm, Danderyd, Stockholm. She describes her childhood as being “very protected” and her family as “pretty posh”. With her parents being academics, Lo achieved good grades in school and became fond of literature, writing poetry and short stories. In an interview with the BBC, she explained, “Growing up so safe, I think I was looking for something else”.

Swedish and rich. That’s a good combination. She went on and Habits became a hit (at least on my spotify.)

In 2015, Coldplay announced that Lo would feature on their seventh album A Head Full of Dreams on the track “Fun”, expected 4 December of that year.

Nevermind, she has shit taste. Speaking of Bowie (go with it), more evidence that he was cool:

Coldplay drummer Will Champion told NME that the group once tried to get Bowie to collaborate on a song they thought had a “David Bowie-type character,” but the legend refused.

According to Champion, Bowie’s answer was, “It’s not a very good song, is it?”

Hero.

Anyways. Here’s the song. I like it. She also gets naked on stage. I discovered this when looking forward for pictures of her and saw her right boob (but only the right one). Our standards and practices department won’t let me publish it.

Tove Lo Habits (Stay High)

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